musingsofaakanksha

Generally one says and hears that you will realise the value of your mother once you become a mother BUT motherhood did something else to me. Having kids made me realise the value of what all my father has done for me and my brother.

It is true and often said that a woman may have to give up her career, her hobbies, her lifestyle and many other things once she becomes a mother but no one notices and no one says about how much a father has to give up. My father had a touring job, monday to friday he travelled all over North India and on weekends he was home. While everyone realised and rightly so that my mom took care of me and my brother when he was away, I am sure no one would have really noticed how much he must have missed being a part of our growing up years, milestones or simply holding us after a long day or work. Today when I see my husband bonding so closely with my kids and being a part of there everyday routine, I realise how much my father must have missed the same.

I know how much a mother gives up but we must know or try to know how a father feels about “giving up.” Once when I was at my father’s place with my kids, I was constantly scolding my son for creating a havoc to which my father just said quietly, “let him do this, when you both were kids I was busy earning so that I can provide to you now I don’t have these worries so in all my grandkids I can see you growing,” and I am sure he really does that because I don’t know how but he finds my son’s looks quite like me (even a stranger can tell that he doesn’t look like me at all), to him my niece also looks like me (who is an exact copy of her mother). Maybe that is what his meaning of seeing us grow is.

Having kids and seeing them grow so close to their father made me realise how much sacrifices my dad had to make to be a provider of the family. We often remember the caregiver but forget the other side of the coin, the provider. Just like every mother is not sad leaving her career and own identity for kids, similarly, every father isn’t happy being just a provider but he might have no other option.

Here, I would also like to confess that I had never before having my own kids realised in true sense what all our father has done for us BUT having kids made me realise being “just a provider” also is not an easy job at all.

Motherhood is not just all about being a mother but it is also about being that one part of a co-parenting vehicle which can not function without the other. My mother has been able to take care of us because she had my father on the other side of the wheel to steer and maybe that is why the concept of Parenting is above motherhood or fatherhood alone.