Dear daughter,
No one word can describe what I feel for you. Even though I am writing this letter, I am sure I can not sum up what all I have in my heart for you. Everyone tells me that you are not as smart as you need to be to face today’s world, people also tell me that I am keeping you shielded from all the bad things that you might have to face in the future.
After growing up, you may also feel that my love for you is too much, for that very moment my dear daughter I want to make a confession today that yes I am a bit paranoid (I am shaking my head in disbelief but yes this is a fact). I can go mad if I don’t see you (and your brother) for a couple of hours. I am so scared of not being there for you guys at any point in time. I don’t trust anyone else when it comes to my kids (your father is the only exception).
I know you might even feel suffocated with all this love, but trust me if at all this love is going to do any harm to anyone then it will be me, because all this is stopping me from having a life of my own. Do you know why I am doing this? Because dear daughter, it has been more than 10 years that I am longing for someone to give this kind of love to me.
10 years back, when my mom and your nani passed away, I wasn’t even married. I was living a happy go lucky life and then suddenly the reality struck me and my brother and it stuck hard. We were all by ourselves as our dad chose to fight all his sorrows by being a workaholic. I realised how it is to not have someone there for you, I realised how we both had to grow up overnight. Suddenly we were not kids for anyone anymore, and dear child, the fact is, no matter what your age, you really want to be a kid sometimes. When our dad used to feel the grief of losing his life partner (he would hide it from us because he knew what effect could it have on us), he would straight away head to our dadi’s room who would cry with him, give his head an oil massage, pat his back, pat his forehead, BUT we were expected to be strong!
The whole world as you know, perceives me as a strong, mature and independent, but only I know how does being strong all the time feels. There are days even I want to go weak, act childishly and want to be fed, taken care of and other stuff, but I can’t.
THAT my child, THAT has made me the kind of mother I am. I hope you would understand the reason behind me being an almost paranoid mom that I am. I want you both to be my BABIES forever.
Love
Mumma
musingsofaakanksha 