2018 made me richer and poorer!

So this is my 2018 story. I know I know it’s coming a little too late. We are already in the 4th month of 2019 but I really didn’t have time to pen all my thoughts.

So yes 2018 made me richer. My biggest wealth that I had this year? My son whose pending arrival we realised on the 1st day of 2018 and he came into our arms on 3rd of September 2018.

Second big wealth that I accumulated in 2018 is realisation that at the end you are alone. It’s only fair not to go out of your way to do something for someone if they are not likely to value you. I also realised last year that even if someone wants to be with you all the time and really wants to do something for you, there are few things only you can do for yourself and you should stop relying on anyone for them.

Third precious thing that I got in 2018 was break from myths. I have been pregnant for good 8 months of 2018 and still did all that I could. Attended work meets, met deadlines, got my house painted, went for my appointments and scans all alone (even took my 5 year old along), dived into the pool, enjoyed the swings, went to trek on a small hill, walked miles. In short pushed all my mental and physical limitations. Broke many pregnancy myths.

Fourth very precious thing that I got in 2018 was recognition for the work I always loved. 2018 saw maximum readership on my blog. One of my post got a lot of media attention too. This kind of recognition gives you satisfaction to work more and more.

Now comes for the things that I lost. Well thinking about them makes my heart pound because losses are never good.

Most important thing that I lost in 2018 was my belief that if we remain good in some relationships then they are for keeps. Also that our true self will always keep our near and dear ones happy with happy.

Second thing that I lost in 2018 was patience to fight negativity. Now I do not stay patient even to act in front of negative people, I just walk out.

All in all 2018 has been a great year for me because of my above mentioned learnings.

How having a second baby made me calmer..

When my daughter was born in 2013, I think I became a bit possessive about her. I was so restless when she was out of my sight. Whenever she went out with her grandparents that restless feeling didn’t leave me. It was heartening to see her enjoy with them but a part of me was tensed, always tensed. It isn’t that I don’t trust anyone else for my daughter’s safety but I don’t know why whenever it is about her there were too many ifs and buts in my mind. Sometimes even when she used to be at school I used to miss her I used to feel restless.

However, I realised that I cannot trap her with me and stop her from doing things she should be doing at this age. Spending time with family, visiting park with grandparents are few things she love doing. And since I have also grown up in a big family with grandparents, chachas and buas I understand the value but still there was something that bothered me. Something!! With time I was better but not cured šŸ˜‰.

Soon I realised I am pregnant again and this time pregnancy was a bit tougher than earlier one so even without my will I had to shift my focus to it and so not to let her feel neglected I made my daughter spend more time with her grandparents and surprisingly now I didn’t feel anything amiss. I had no energy to. However, when my health was better I made sure that I spend more time with my daughter but I didn’t mind or felt bad whenever she was away.

Now my son is of 7 months and I am thankful for whatever little time she goes to school for or is with her grandparents and not only in regards to my daughter, now I even send my 7 month old to spend some time with his grandparents (which I won’t have even thought of when my daughter was of 7 months).

Having my second one has helped me in accepting the facts and has definitely made me calmer..

Modern yet not?

I am not sure how will we fare as parents when our time comes but I definately feel sorry for our parent’s or maybe grandparent’s generation. They were and still are stuck in the transitional phase of the society. The world, the society, the times expected them to teach their kids nothing but to be successful, focus on education, career building, carving a niche for themselves BUT the conservative Indian parent in them wanted their kids to be attached to their roots, stay closer to them, respect the values, take out time for them.

Our parents expected us to whole heartidly accept their decision of sending us to a different city/state/country to study but they felt bad if we consequently decided to take up a job and settle down in some other city/state/country.

Today when I saw English Vinglish once again, I realised that yes we certainly feel bad for Sridevi that her kids behave badly with her but if we look at it from the other side of the coin. The character like that of Sridevi who are not very well read or have a good spoken English always insist that their kids excel in studies and in whatever they do but forget on teaching them the most important lesson of life that is to become a good human being.

And not only in movies I happened to encounter one such incident personally. A friend of mine who has always been the topper of the class made his parents proud by joining a fully sponsored program in a reputed university in the USA but his parent’s dreams shattered when he told them about the job he has got there. I wonder what did they expect him to? Study there because it is the number 1 country in the world but not work there inspite of the fact that it really is the number 1 country in the world?

I won’t say it is anyone’s fault or that anyone is right or wrong here. A parent who decided to send his/her son/daughter to some other big metro city for better opportunity are not wrong and the son/daughter who now may want to settle in that metro city for obvious better opportunity are is not wrong either.

Its a circle from which it isn’t easy to come out. After all, transitions are most hard and tough to accept.

Pretend Play : Taking over from art and craft as a hobby…

Pretend play is the most common thing amongst the toddlers these days… After a certain age their liking towards colouring, drawing, sketching, craft and everything is taken over by pretend playing…

What exactly is Pretend Play

The word may sound complex but it is as easy as it can be. When our kids act as someone and play, it is called pretend play. Many of us have also in our childhood played “ghar ghar” where one becomes mummy and other becomes papa, that game my dear friends is pretend play, its just that now it has become fancier.. These days most play zones/play areas for toddlers have pretend play section too where in kids can dress up and act as doctors/patients, hair dressers/clients, store manager/customers, chefs etc etc. Kids above the age of 3 years start showing their inclination towards it, however, kids with elder siblings generally start it earlier…

If you ask me personally, I think pretend play is a mix of positives and negatives. Let us today discuss few of both –

Positives –

1. Helps build imagination – it certainly helps kids in building their imagination to a great extent.

2. Keeps kids off tv/mobile – the biggest positive that I think it has is that it keeps kids off mobile and tv screens. Well who wouldn’t want that.

3. Helps kids in devloping social skills – when kids pretend to be someone else they behave their best. It helps them pick the cues about the way they should be conducting themselves publicly.

4. Makes kids creative – pretend plays do a great deal in making kids creative as they encourage kids to think out of the box (by acting as what they are not).

Negatives –

1. Imaginations sometimes goes too far – sometimes because of imaginative play kids do not understand where to stop and go a little too far in imaginating.

2. Cannot differentiate – many a times kids are engulfed in pretend play so much so that they are unable to differentiate between play and real life. They might start inter changing activities.

All said and done, pretend play is a good thing when done moderately under adults’ supervision.

I am RESPONSIBLE

I am RESPONSIBLE for what I do with my life.. I strongly believe in “We have but one life” and I don’t want it to be a collection of “what ifs” and “but ifs”, at least not because of the decisions that others have taken or take for me.. I want to be totally responsible for what happens with my life and that is why I want to learn from my mistakes, succeed and fail because of the decisions that I take.. If my life has to be a canvas the colours better be mine.. I have been fortunate enough to be born to parents who have always let me choose and decide for myself.. Right from what I wear, what I study, where I work to whom I marry has always been my decision.. Thankfully this has continued and even after being a mom of two I am able to take my own decisions.. I have left my job when I wanted to, I started freelance work when I wanted to, I have saved when I wanted to, I have spent when I have wanted to, I am raising my kids the way I want to.. I won’t say my life has been perfect, no not at all infact not even close to perfect but whatever it has been or it will be, I will be RESPONSIBLE for it. I will be an owner of my life.. #lorm_iam #lorm #lifeofrealmoms #mommyhood #womenhood #mommyblogger #mommiesofinstagram #womenofinstagram #blogger #delhibloggers #instamommy #mumslife #instablogging #instablogger #independentwoman #mylifemyrules #thankful #notperfect @momspresso

Women Power!!

I can truly relate with this saying. “A women is like a tea bag – you never know how strong she is until she gets in hot water.”

When my mom was detected with Acute Myeloid Leukaemia it’s needless to say that I was devastated but that wouldn’t have helped so after a day of devastation I took charge of the situation to do whatever damage control we could have done.. My father was surprised how strongly I managed everything.. However, we could not do much.. When she passed away just after a week of being diagnosed, we all were further shattered, my father thought I would either kill myself or would go into depression.. However, I did none of it yes I won’t say that I was fine and I didn’t cry but I didn’t ruin myself, my whole clan was surprised that I didn’t seek anyone’s shoulder to cry and I didn’t lost my conciousness.. Infact, when after 6 months of my mom’s death I told my dad that it’s time I want to take a plunge (he already knew who I wanted to marry), he was more than happy and proud that I am was so much in hold of myself… When I was preparing for my marriage and later for my brother’s marriage there wasn’t a single moment I didn’t thought about my mom but I didn’t let that break me rather I made it my strength.. Years later when I delivered my first baby, the most dreaded post partum depression did hit me too.. I was broken from inside, I kept on hogging food and aerated drinks, it started effecting my health adversely so one day I realised that I will have to once again stand up and so I did flush out PPD from my life.. When I was expecting again I made sure that PPD doesn’t hit me at all and even if it does the degree is so low that it only seeks some pampering and my plan was well executed… A woman is definately much more stronger than one can ever imagine but judging her for her strength is shallow and should not happen.. MEN should accept a strong women in their life without any ego and WOMEN should help another strong women grow…

I am COMPLETE…

I am COMPLETE.. This is a collage of my pics.. Ranging from when I was unmarried, one from Dubai trip with my husband, one is with my daughter and other one is with my 6 month old son.. These three people are most important and inseparable parts of my life BUT they have not completed me. I was and I am an complete individual myself.. My husband and my kids have created a space for themselves in my life, the space which I didn’t know exists but to complete myself I didn’t need anyone. Had I been unmarried I would have still been complete.. What a women doesn’t realise is that she doesn’t need anyone to complete her she is the one who completes others.. That is how God has made women.. Ladies do not let advices like “get married because you are alone”, “have a kid because motherhood completes you”, “try for a boy he will complete your family” “take up a job because you are educated” “what you are a house wife” “you don’t do anything” pressurize you to do what you do not want to do.. To the heck with someone or something completing us!!! So many ambitious and talented women loose the focus of their lives because of such pressures… So many women who want to be home maker, who want to be at hone for thwir kids can not do so because of these pressures.. So to all the beautiful women out there You are COMPLETE.. Believe in your completeness..

Love them or hate them.

My mom passed away in 2009 and my relationship with my father is a love and hate relationship. Since I remember our opinions have never been the same so yes he is my father and has done a lot for us but we end up fighting every other day. My brother, on the other hand, has many a time relied on me for an important decision. We both fight too but one phone call from either side is enough to melt us down. After marriage, nothing much has attracted me to go to maayka often. A few days back when I called my brother he was very emotional and asked me when would I come he was also complaining that I don’t like to visit them often.

I too realised that I have been avoiding going there, so, I decided to go there on the weekend. Reaching there my sister in law greeted me and my kids with a warm hug. My brother cooked and served my favourite food. He didn’t leave my side till I ate my heart full. My sister in law took care of my little one so that I can eat peacefully. My 2 year old neice kept hugging me and saying “i love you bua”..

In the morning, my bhabhi (sister in law) woke me up with my favourite cuppa tea with my favourite biscuits (the one which my mom used to get for me). That was very overwhelming. In the afternoon she cooked my favourite food again and served me with me much love. While we were leaving she made sure she sees me off with few things of my liking in my bag.

On my way back, I could not help asking why I always avoid visiting there. Why I don’t trust that they guys love me enough. Why I take the difference of opinions so seriously. Why I don’t accept that no matter if I love them or hate them they are mine, my family. We are all attached with an unseen string of emotions and that will never fall apart.

Pic Credit – shutterstock.com